The thin line between loving & pampering a child

A child’s mine is not a container to be filled but rather a fire to be kindled.

– Dorothea Brande

 Yes, we all agree that a child is always hungry for love. And we as parents are more than willing to shower them with our love and praises. But what happens when we overfeed them. Hugging your child, giving them occasional treats & toys is good ..but the problem starts when you give them things even before they demand it.

How many times have you brought unnecessary items or gifted them something extravagant even before they ask for it. You start fulfilling their desires even when they can survive without it. And this is what is pampering.

Excess of anything is harmful but this is exactly what we parents do in the name of loving our children. One, however, needs to know that you cannot and should not meet their demands every time. It will become a habit, and a bad one at that for sure.

Let’s see certain instances.

• Your 5 year old child often throws tantrums. Do you believe that cuddling them up or buying a balloon or chocolate is necessary to soothe them? Temporary yes, but in the long run, absolutely no. You are spoiling them for choices.
• Your child is now in 7th std, goes to tuition, extra activity classes and you think he needs a mobile so you can stay in touch. Agreed. But do you need to give him an Iphone or Smartphone. Doesn’t a standard mobile accomplish your goals of communication?
• Your child passed with flying colours in his 10th or 12th std. Congratulations. It is indeed a proud moment for everyone in the family. Praise him, gift him. But do you really need to buy that over the top latest model of a swanky bike or a car? Or is a normal bike serving the purpose?
• Every 15 year old has an Ipad nowadays. If I buy one for my child, what’s the big deal?

If you see yourself or other parents in all such situations, then it is time to:

Pause. Think. Act.

Teach them the value of money. Every time they demand something, don’t just throw it in their arms. Let them know you and your spouse are working hard to run the family. Teach them to work hard for themselves. Teach them that life is full of struggles and you will be standing beside them always, but they have to walk the path alone. Let them fall, because that is how they will learn to stand up again. Give them responsibility in the house to make them realise the value of small things. Make them responsible individuals rather than spoilt humans.

So next time, love your child but don’t indulge in pampering. Here’s wishing all the parents luck in balancing the line!